What does “Twice Exceptional” mean?

This refers to a person who has above average intelligence but also struggles in some areas. In the case of Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder, this can mean it’s a lot of work for you to plan, organize, prioritize, and carry tasks out to completion. You may have been a kid who fidgeted and couldn’t sit still or talked a lot, OR you may have been a quiet daydreamer who often “zoned out” and missed parts of a class or important instructions because you were focused on the thoughts in your head. Maybe you often misplaced things (and still do). It was a lot of work for you to stay focused. You may have felt like it was harder to keep up than it was for your peers. As an adult you may be managing multiple roles - a job, a parent, adult caregiver of parents, family. Part of you feels like you should be able to manage it. Often, you do! You learned to compensate and get things done, but it was exhausting and took more effort, somehow, than for others you know. As an adult you may be managing multiple roles - a job, a parent, adult caregiver of parents, family. It feels overwhelming. You may miss appointments, leave a mess at home and crave some “down time”.

The result is you may feel frustrated, overwhelmed, or “like a failure”, especially since you feel (or have been told by others) since childhood, that things should not be this difficult for you, since you are so smart. You may even be an honors student, a great writer, an empathic person, so this really baffles you. The good news is, there is help and you aren’t alone. Below are some resources that I’ve found super helpful over the years. If you aren’t sure about therapy, or if you just want to supplement your therapy with good tools, here you go.

Why do I treat Intelligent Women with ADHD?

In my experience, women who are intellectually bright with mild to moderate ADHD impairments often feel confused about who they “really” are. They have been given praise most of their lives for being intelligent, or creative, but their struggles were not acknowledged. Sometimes, the giftedness and the challenges feel like two parts of the same coin. Like being creative and thinking “out of the box” may go hand-in-hand with not being the best at self-structure and organization. They often are people-pleasers who want to do well by others, but deep down they feel a bit different. They may have made missed details, confused information, or missed appointments. If anything, they were told, “You are so smart. Why can’t you do this? It’s not difficult.” So they may feel confused by the ways their abilities didn’t seem to match expectations. They often feel “Impostor Syndrome”. They work hard and juggle many responsibilities, but it can feel draining. And there’s nothing like wondering “what am I going to miss next?” to make them feel anxious. Especially when a major stressor or setback occurs: A work stressor, issues with a loved one, an accident, or caregiver stress. These issues can be challenging even without ADHD/ADD. With them, we work that much harder to overcome. Through all of this they or others who know them may overlook the parts of themselves that are truly amazing.

There is a big cost to ourselves, our loved ones, our work, and our society when the struggles of women with ADHD are unacknowledged or misunderstood. Lost time at work, difficulty with organization, time management, impulsivity and follow-through are already the bane of your life with ADHD. Over time, without support or tools, we may feel like we are on a “hamster wheel”, trying to catch up. We can turn the exhaustion and difficulties into self-blame and self-hatred. This leads to anxiety “what did I miss? What else will go wrong?” and depression “why bother? I just keep messing up”. And sadly, others, and you, become blind to your gifts: A great sense of humor, a love of authenticity, a great grasp of subjects and activities that you are passionate about.

You don’t have to live this way. When you feel understood, you begin to heal. You can connect more with others and not define yourself, yet again, by how you feel you don’t “measure up”. When we connect with others, we can get resources and tools to help us navigate the challenges of getting organized, communicating more effectively, and managing our time. Also, we help others around us understand our issues and adopt strategies that work with our ADHD, not against it.

We will spend some time consulting about your symptoms and doing symptom-management, if that is what you want. Also, psychoeducation and resource-building. But we always start with where YOUR interest lies and go from there. You ARE worth it.

Books:

The Smart but Scattered Guide to Success . This book gives useful information about the different aspects of executive function struggles in adults and strategies to help.

ADD-Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life. Oh, my gosh. If you do nothing else, read this book! This is the updated edition, and it has great strategies for what is arguably one of the more common ADD struggles - staying organized. I love its motto, “Work with your ADD, not against it”.

Driven to Distraction. Another ADHD “Bible”. It gives great “examples” of the different ways ADHD shows up in peoples’ lives, and it has a number of self-tests. Reading this book shows what it “feels” like to have ADHD. This is the book that many adults read and find an example that leads them to say, “Wow. That’s me.”

Organizations and periodicals:

CHADD.org - Chadd is the largest national (USA) organization for children, teens and adults living with ADHD. As it happens, the DC Metro area also has one of the largest chapters. It has very comprehensive resources for so many people - parents, kids, teens, teachers, clinicians. You can sign up for webinars, workshops, access many articles (search for “women with ADHD” and “twice exceptional” to find more information tailored to you), and their magazine, “Attention!” They also hold an annual national conference on ADHD, with topics relevant to clinicians, family members, and persons with ADHD. I love the mix of good clinical information and real-life, plain language essays. Here, you are in the company of people who GET IT.

ADDitude Magazine - Another comprehensive resources, complete with articles, resources, and self-tests.

A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. It’s so important to recognize how ADHD affects women in particular and strategies to manage it in life. This book addresses that issue.

The ADHD Guide to Making Social Connections. This is an ebook for adults with ADHD, looking to make friends. (This can be a challenging situation, making and maintaining friendships, when you have executive functioning challenges.)

Articles, Essays, and Blogs:

The Relationship between PTSD and ADHD: Symptoms, Diagnosis, and Treatment. Additude Magazine, Wes Crenshaw, PhD, and Jordan Mayfield, LCSCW, LCAC, June 22, 2022.

And more….

I’ll be updating and adding to this list periodically. Stay tuned! If you sign up for my newsletter, this will “nudge” you to look at my website every so often and get the newest info.