Should I really start therapy when it’s so beautiful out, and who do I see?
Greetings! Just like the weather, has your life been fluctuating? I know that mine has. Hopefully, you had fun, peaceful Holiday celebrations, and a good start to the season. But finally, Spring has arrived here in Northern Virginia. We spent some time downtown at The Cherry Blossom Festival when it started in late March. What a weird mix of beautiful, budding trees and windy, rainy weather. That’s how it can be in early Spring- a meeting of opposites.
This happens in our personal lives, too. With the warm weather, you may feel galvanized to start doing things outside, at work, with your friends and family. At the same time, stressors rush in with it being the last quarter of the school year, work deadlines, and taxes (ugh). Maybe you are worried about the care of an aging parent, a role that I often see designated disproportionately to daughters. You are trying to balance all of it amidst the personal struggles you have been having. Do you feel like you are always trying to do your best, but it’s not good enough? Or you have been carrying a lot of responsibility and it feels like too much? Do you want to talk this out, but not with family, who care about you, but are too close to the problem or to you to be objective and non-judgmental? Like the book said, “Maybe you should talk to someone.” This is where a therapist can help you.
But, why now? And what kind? If you are reading this, you know I work with adults over 18, and I have a specific focus on women over 30 with overwhelm. You may or may not be “twice exceptional” - smart, creative, hardworking, but also with ADHD/ADD, so that you often feel scattered, disorganized, and it is a lot of work for you to do all that you need to do to get through the demands of your daily life. I’m going to focus on YOU.
Here are a few questions to help you get started as you are looking.
What are the main things you are struggling with in your life? The main problems that you want help with?
Is it parenting a child with issues in school, be they academic or behavioral? Or do they have medical issues? Think about your how this is all creating challenges for YOU. As a parent, you may know rationally that it is not your child’s fault that they are having these struggles, but you recognize that the struggle itself is creating problems for you.
Maybe you are having trouble communicating with a spouse or partner and it is making your relationship stressful.
Or, you are having stress at work because of difficulties with a boss, co-worker, team, or other challenges. You aren’t sure what to do about it, but this is what it is. Are you very sad because someone you care about got very sick or passed away? You know that this happens, but you feel so alone. You want to talk
through your pain with someone who isn’t going to judge you or tell you how to feel.
Issues with drinking, drug use for you or someone you care about? You may really want them to get into treatment because you are worried about them, but they are refusing to go. So, you want a therapist to to talk to about how to cope with your stress around this. If it is a problem for you, it’s ok for you to see someone to get support and guidance, even if they won’t go.
Or, you were in a car accident or were assaulted in some way. You keep having flashbacks and avoiding what happened. It’s making it hard to live your life with these symptoms.
Decide what you are able or willing to pay for therapy. If your finances are such that you need to stay in-network, aka, see a therapist that takes payment from your insurance plan, the cost will be lower. Be prepared that many providers might be full, but with a little patience or a willingness to be on a waiting list, you may then find someone.
If you are willing or able to pay out of pocket for a therapist, you may find someone sooner. Therapist who don’t take insurance may cost more, but they may specialize in what you need or have greater availability. In addition, they may be able to provide you with a Superbill that you can submit to your insurance for reimbursement. (See this section of my website for more information.)
2. Where do I start looking?
A good place can be your primary care doctor. They often have a list of therapists they can refer you to.
If you have people in your life that have seen a therapist they like, you can look there, too. Even if that therapist doesn’t have openings or work in your specialty, they likely know colleagues that they can recommend.
If you want to go through insurance, look on your insurance carrier’s website under member services and search for providers - therapists, or the call the member services number on the back of your insurance card. You can get a list of providers who take your insurance this way.
Or, look on therapy directories like Psychology Today or Good Therapy. These are like the Yellow Pages of therapists, and you can often filter therapists by insurance and type of insurance, by location, by specialty (eg, ADHD, Grief, Couples, Parenting), and the populations/clients they see (eg, adults, individual or couples; children/teens/families.)
3. When should I look?
Are you on the fence about seeing a therapist right now? Maybe you are thinking, “Jeez, the weather is getting beautiful and I’m just now starting to make summer plans! I’ve got so much going on. I’ll wait.” It’s like the conundrum of having a hole in the roof, and it leaks when it rains, so you need to wait until its sunny. But when it’s sunny, you don’t want to spend all day fixing a roof. Understandable, sure, but keep in mind a few things. It’s better to go now that you are thinking about it, instead of waiting until you are in a big crisis and have to find someone when you are in an even more stressed-out state of mind.
Especially if you have experienced a traumatic incident, like a car accident, rape, assault, or other upset, I urge you to get help as soon as possible. Maybe you witness someone getting hurt or threatened, or undergoing a difficult medical procedure, and it left you shaken, with difficulty getting rid of the images in your head or trouble revisiting the place that reminds you of the incident. Research shows that with trauma, the sooner the intervention, the less severe your lingering symptoms will be. Don’t try to “tough it out” or see how you do on your own. Get help now. Your nervous system and loved ones will thank you. As you know by now, I can treat this. I am not just trained, but also certified as a Traumatic Incident Facilitator. More on this later.
Also, therapists are people, and like many people, they go on vacation, often in the summer. So if you wait until June to link with someone, they may put you on the schedule to start three weeks from the time you call, or on a waiting list if they are not taking clients then. I have a trip planned for two weeks in August, myself. If you are willing to wait till then, fine. But it’s probably not ideal to have to. If you schedule sooner than later, you can get in a few good sessions and start a working relationship with them before either of you takes time away for a vacation or planned time off of some sort. You will have laid a groundwork for support for yourself so that the summer hiatus is a bit easier to manage.
4. What is getting in my way?
Lack of money? Don’t have time? If you have something that is so demanding, short-term, that you need to shelve therapy for now, do so. But if your schedule is busy for the long haul, step back and look at your priorities. You want to navigate stressors meaningfully, not reactively. Therapy will help you do that, when you are ready.
In short, there’s no time like the present. If you are able, don’t wait for your situation to go from difficult to feeling impossible. Just start.