When You Just Need Tools

There are times in life when you just need tools for immediate problems. Even though my work is focused on helping you make your own realizations on what’s bothering you and why, I still endorse this. Sometimes, you do need something to help, pronto.

I realized this at a particularly type of therapy session last month, physical therapy. I’ve been dealing with sciatic pain for a few months now. Yes, it’s a process, and I’ve needed to put in the work, which I’ve done. I’m motivated because I want to reduce my pain. Most of the time, I can do this. But I arrived at one particular session in excruciating pain. I’d been driving for about a half hour on an errand before the session, and the discomfort had been building until it reached a “weapons-grade” level. I arrived at the physical therapy office, looked at my therapist, and declared, “I’m in a LOT of pain. I was just driving.” She took one look at my scrunched up face and said, “skip the warm-up on the treadmill and just come over here”. She led me to the cushioned table, had me sit on it, and put what looked like a “speed bump” foam roller under my back. “Lift your arms, and slowly lie back. Take your time”, she said, spotting me. I felt a stab of panic, along with a mental image of my back breaking as I lowered myself backwards, arms straight back, as I followed her guidance. It felt like going off a diving board backwards, which I have not attempted in decades. Gradually, though, my arms, head and upper back reached the table and I lay in this backwards-curved position for what felt like several minutes. At first, I didn’t see what this had to do with pain that I wasn’t feeling in my back, but lower down, but I felt so bad, I was willing to do it. She slowly guided me back out of it, guiding me through a few more exercises. Halfway through the session, she asked, “how does it feel now”? And the pain was almost completely gone.

“How did you do that?!?” I asked. I was truly awed. She laughed and said, “Well, this is why you come here. Your body nerves, bones, muscles all interact in certain ways. She then showed me a replica of a spinal column, explaining that often when we sit, our spinal discs compress, and that puts pressure on the nerves and muscles, including the sciatic nerve. “Pain can then radiate down from the lower back to the rear and back of the thigh.”

I realized then that that’s why she often asks me, “How is your back?”

“My back is fine. It’s my sciatic nerve”, I usually answer.

But on that day, it clicked that the source of the problem was in my back. And that’s why she went right to the source when I walked in with intolerable pain. And it worked. The lying-down “backbend on speedbump”, as I like to call it now, opened up the spinal column and relieved pressure from the discs of my spine. And she noted that I can do this outside of sessions, “especially if the pain is bad and interfering with your ability to do your other exercises or even to sit in a chair or car. I left with renewed hope. Why? Because I had a new tool that I could use when the pain got too bad.

So even though I am all about you making your own realizations, whatever they may be, I know that there are some days where you really do just need some tools. If you are feeling super anxious, we can use diaphrammatic breathing to slow down your nervous system. Concerned about how have a difficult conversation with someone that you have to have? We can role play. Or we might discuss communication strategies to help you stay collected enough to say what needs saying. Trouble knowing where to get help for an overwhelming illness? We’ll look at resources. In short, we will handle your immediate concern before we get to the deep-diving, if that’s what you need.

And we’ll do this as part of our larger work together. I had been seeing my physical therapist for a few weeks, so we had a chance to assess the “problem areas” to work on and build a connection and some goals. We both put time into this. And just my physical therapist assessed my state and worked with it to help me get relief, I am there for that purpose for people who come to see me, too. I will strive to pay attention when you are hurting or have a particular concern. And feel free to tell me that you have one, too. That’s a good working relationship.

As we head into what is for many a busy Holiday Season, I’m here for tools as well as the “deep dives” into your issues. So whether you see me or not, I am reminded to be present for what you need. May you get the support, tools and relief that works for you. Have a gentle Holiday and Winter Season.